Happily ever after…

The prince meets the fair princess, a damsel in distress, and a kiss later they are married and off to a life of married bliss. Alas, happily ever after. And that is where the story ends.

For most who have grown up to the fairy tales of Cinderella and Snow White, marriage is seen as a entry to a world of magic, a world where a partner plays the role of the prince and the other the princess, a world filled with intimacy, laughter and, later, little princes and princesses. But as statistic would show, not all is well in the Kingdom of Eternal Love. In today’s demanding world, even the strongest relationship can end up in divorce.

The Story

Growing up, we acquire a picture of our future partners through our interactions with our parental figures. Often we emulate our parents and other times we convince ourselves to marry someone totally opposite. Armed with this preconception and a set of criteria, we set on about our search for the perfect mate.

The first time you met your special someone, you felt as if the world just opened up and the possibilities were limited. Without knowing the person, you begin to imagine how the world would be to spend eternity with him/her. It is in this stage of the relationship that people lose touch of who they are and the person they are dealing with. Many fail to acknowledge, or for most it lies in the subconscious, that it is not the other person that they fell in love with, but what the other person could be — the possibility.

However, as time progress, minute details about the other person surfaces. Slowly, we become aware that the person we fell in love with really is not the person of our dreams. In our attempt to reconcile our dream lover and the lover of our reality, we attempt to change the person we chose to fit the part in our dreams. Often, the attempt is met with resistance. All the while, the resisting partner also attempts to reconcile the person of his dream with the person that he ended up. It is at this stage that power struggle ensues. In frustration, this is the time when relationships are at their greatest risk of separation or divorce.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Minimizing Physical Injuries from Exercising

While in the Army I learned the credence, ‘No pain, no gain.’ The phrase was chanted so often morning, noon and night while in basic training that it instilled the belief that if you do not feel pain while working out, then your work out is useless and with no benefit. Nothing is farther from the truth.

When exercising, some mild discomfort is to be expected. But, “pain” in a debilitating sense should be viewed as warning sign and the body’s means to say “hey, you’re overdoing it!” This is particularly true for the beginners and those who…

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Life as a Psychotherapist

As a psychotherapist (Marriage and Family Therapy) trainee, I spend a part of my day seeing clients with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, Panic Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Depression, etc. For the most part, I find my work as a psychotherapist very enjoyable. After all, I help clients see themselves in ways that they probably have never thought of seeing themselves before. I point out parts of their life stories that reflect strength and resilience — characteristics they have forgotten they had — and watch as their eyes twinkle with delight: “yeah, you’re right. I overlooked that part of me” often is the response.

But, I would be lying if I said it is always good. There are times in this early part of my career when I am left wondering and asking myself “what is going on?” I watch as a client’s eyes twinkle in amazement as he discovers a part of himself he’d never thought of one week only to find that twinkle replaced by the look of confusion the following week.

Most weeks are great, while others not so. So, I take it a client at a time, on a week-by-week basis. No matter the modality of my theoretical leaning, the best I offer is a curious understanding and hope — hope that my clients will see that no matter how bad life gets, they have it in them to persevere and succeed.

Spare a dollar, sir?

Written by Franco E. Santos

“Damn you!!” he screamed as the vase flew and hit the back of the closing door - shattering into a million, tiny pieces. The latch snapped like thunder, and the door is shut. Emotions overflowing, his body slumps to a nearby couch, sobbing. Read the rest of this entry »

Coping with a child with maladaptive behavior and/or psychiatric diagnosis in the home

Child(ren) with maladaptive behavior and/or psychiatric diagnosis living at home affect a family’s stress level and emotional well being.

Theories abound, and numerous studies have shown, that a family’s socioeconomic status, coping mechanism, means of communication, and overall emotional stability exert influence on a child’s behavior and future coping skills. Being born into and growing up in a socioeconomically disadvantaged family (low educational level, single parent homes, demographics) and having at least one parent with maladaptive behavior problem are good predictors that the child(ren) would exhibit maladaptive behavior (Schultz & Shaw, 2003) which may contribute to suicidal ideation (Kashani, 1998) during adolescence, if not earlier.

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